Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
