I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
