If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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