Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
