are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
