the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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