The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
