So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
