Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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