hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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