I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
