Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Randomize
