your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
