The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Drake has all the answers
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
