it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
