i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
not ubering you a puppy
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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