im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
smell my finger.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
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