There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
