Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
