careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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