Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm jealous of your bromance
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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