She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
