Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize