Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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