How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize