Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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