batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
