I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
