Heybabeimwearingurpanties
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
