in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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