That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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