yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Me too!
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
