so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
