She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
