I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
