Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
