Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
