I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i love accidental penises.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
