Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
