Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(561): View more from Florida

i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls

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(209): View more from California

Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.

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(519): View more from Ontario

my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.

(1-519): View more from Ontario

You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.

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(773): View more from Illinois

he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.

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(770): View more from Georgia

We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase

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(631): View more from New York

we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms

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(270): View more from Kentucky

and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown

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(704): View more from North Carolina

He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him

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(310): View more from California

Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large

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