Cold hands, warm shart.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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