PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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