I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I stole a fireplace last night.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
