What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
