you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
whose parrot is this?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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