Have you finally orgasmed yet?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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