i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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