Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
