last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
