actually, I'm a sock model
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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