Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
