You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
