You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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