Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
