I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
