ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
