She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
