No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
