Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
My Higher Power is John Stamos
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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