Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
farters have to be the big spoon...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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