just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
