Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
