He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
