he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
