I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
