It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
