the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
