He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
