It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
