i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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