Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
