So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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