Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
