made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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