How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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