You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
