we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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