Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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