Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
