Already got asked if we're dating
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
