I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
