i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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